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What if I become the one who holds him back when he wants to climb the rocks instead of just siting down on the beach like that ordinary couple? What if I become the one who slows him down and makes him come back down to me because my knees are weak and I constantly seek his help?
While I was looking for shells on the ground, he made it to the top of rocks even before I noticed. Looking up to him, taking pictures, I was amused to see him up so high. But...will I be always happy like this if I can never get to where he stands?
He showed me a picture that he had just taken. A clear view of the ocean that I missed. I appreciated it but couldn't help wondering if he would want, or need, somebody who could've shared that same view right at the height, right at the moment.
Although not to the top, I did climb a few rocks with him. For him, I made it little higher than I would've by myself or with any other people. The feeling that I want to stay next to him keeps me moving forward. I'm truly grateful that I have you in my life.
But, the stronger my feelings for you grow, the more this becomes about you than me. It scares me that I may not be the best partner you can find when you want to climb your rocks as high and quickly as possible. Is it really okay that I try to keep him next to me when he seems to be able to achieve more things without me?
...I'm starting to realize that the more successful I want my man to be, the more I will have to give up - pieces of what I call happiness. Being indecisive as usual, I'm not sure if I can give up neither an attractive success-driven man nor my greedy little expectations :P
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otherwise i would've so dragged somebody out for a drink tonight...too bad that i can't afford to be crazy any more and that now i need a companion to do anything crazy...
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
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The biggest threats to my whole life, I swear, have been hunger and sleepiness :'( Just can't do anything when they are present. I guess the tasty combination of Hawaiian irish cream coffee and Taiwanese roasted milk tea is not helping me to stay awake tonight. Oh, well, since when does yummy stuff do anything good for you :P?
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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
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...and that doesn't mean that everyone will love me.
Some people, actually a lot of people, that I'm being introduced to might end up not liking me so much.
And that doesn't mean that I'm not a good person.
Knowing all that, it still makes me sad that I'm just not as lovable as some lucky people around me :)
The most important question: Do *I* love myself?
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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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cdhk125's journal
sick.
sleepy.